I used to have pretty bad germophobia, not anymore luckily, but what is still left of it Has destroyed what relationships Ive had and my self esteem.
And I dont know what to do to fix it, Ive seen a sexologist, done all the mind flexing and stuff, didnt work.
>be me 19 >Graduated 2 years ago >Work full time job for past year >about to start community college to transfer to a university for a degree >want to be musical artist >scared to try in fear of not being good enough
Ever since a kid I've played/studied music and musical theory. It's always been my dream to become a musical artist and be successful to the point of not having to have an actual job. I don't necessarily mean Kanye West big, but big enough to sustain myself without having a boring desk job. I love making music, the problem is I'm scared of failing miserably and have my life long dream crumble in front of my face. I've saved up money over the past year and bought all the necessary equipment to record in my room (drum machine, guitar effects, bass effects, mixer, multitrack, microkorg, fx processor, a decent mic set up). Everything that I need to make decent quality music. I'll stay up late every night trying new things and chords, constantly trying new things, but none of it seems good enough to me. Then I listen to Mac Demarco, Cosmo Pyke, HOMESHAKE, and King Krule (my influences) and it doesn't even compare. Its not like they're that much older than me. I'm just feel so unconfident with my musical abilities even though I've spent the majority of my life doing it. Do I just push stuff out now and risk it, or do I wait until I'm not as self-conscious about my music?
About 6 months ago while browsing through /b/ and found a thread containing furry porn. Damn that shit made me rock hard. I've now collected 10GB of the shit. I am totally addicted and it has consumed my life how do I escape this degeneracy.
My first girlfriend broke up with me a little over a month ago. We had been going out for six months. I feel broken. My anxiety and depression have been out of control. I have panic attacks whenever I try to sleep. I'm so fucking lonely. I don't have any friends, I don't have a job, I don't go to school. I only had her. With her, all my anxiety and depression went away. I had a future, a goal. I don't know what to fucking do anymore. My anxiety is so bad that it feels like my body is tearing apart. She blames me for acting like this, too. "Why aren't you over me yet?" Am I strange for being this hurt? I'm so tired of this horrible anxiety, depression, and lonliness. But my anxiety and depression keeps me lonely, and my lonliness keeps me depressed. I feel like I'm going to go insane. I just want to be happy again.
I am in a terribly shitty place and things just keep getting worse. I'm lost, confused, and alone. This post might be long.
Last summer pretty much all of my friends got together and decided to make a hilarious plan to fuck with me, then proceed to ditch me completely for a cocaine addict and someone who they all hated even more than me for some reason. I spent the rest of the summer alone. Come the start of the next school year, which was my senior year, my dad was deployed to Kuwait until this July. He's an emotionally abusive sack of shit who always tear everything good I do down but he was all that kept the house together. My mother is one of the laziest people I've ever met and only stays with my father to use him. I tried to keep the place clean, in order, but I just couldn't. He's an over 6 foot tall shredded soldier and I'm a 5 foot 8 skinny nerd. Some things I just couldn't do. The house was a constant dirty, smelling mess. In September I met a girl who graduated the year before and we started dating. Was pretty good for now.
Around the same time my mother tells me she's going to let a friend, her BF, and their son live in our basement until my father gets back. The basement is a space my dad and I exclusively used for nerd things and they tore it apart in a day. My input was completely ignored and this was all behind my father's back. These people would make things much worse. They would insult me daily, steal food, medication, money. They would throw trash all over the house. Rotten food in the living room. They beat their child, got high and drunk daily with him awake at 4AM then sleeping until 2PM every single day. We called the police on them 3 times and all of which they said they could do nothing. This was not good for me as I was already stressed enough with my dad gone.
Hey /adv/, I'm a 18 year old male and I'm a virgin, but not because I never had the chance to try pussy, it's the total opposite, throughout the years I've had a shitload of girls that wanted to have sex with me, but I don't want to, because I want my first time to be special, and I want to do it with someone I love...
There are some problems, my sex drive is growing and growing, and xvideos can't keep with it, my dick needs the real deal, and I feel I cannot wait to that "special somebody" since it could take years or decades for such woman to come in my life. Nobody knows I'm a virgin, they all think I have a lot of sex due to the girls that want something with me. I've refused sex from a lot of girls, from a lesbian to a nymphomaniac who wanted a friend with a benefit...
Sometimes I feel like not giving a fuck about feelings and fucking the first girl that wants to have sex, but I know I may regret it, because I'm waiting for a beautiful first time, but if I had sex with the first girl that steps in, she'll see I don't have experience and I'll be made fun of because men cannot have feelings.
Damn I'm sounding like such a sensitive fag lol, anyway, /adv/, tell me, what do you should i do?
btw: masturbation doesn't help, it kills all my sex drive when i cum and i forget about all the girls