I'm on probation for a misdemeanor damage to property offense. Very stupid, I know, but Ive learned my lesson and am paying for my mistakes.
I need a job desperately or my entire life will fall apart. I currently deliver pizzas under the table for some sketchy pizza restaurant. I am barely making enough to survive, i have an apartment, credit card bills, student loans, and car payments that need to be taken care of. I also need to move by the end of the summer, I can't stand my roommate any longer.
I've been proactive about this and have a few leads. I went into a staffing agency today. They said they have a position that needs to be filled pretty immediately, its in manufacturing which I have experience in, and the work sounds like something i'd be interested in. $14.75 an hour, and learning a new skill that will look good on a resume. The recruiter said a person from the company will do a phone screening tomorrow, and that with my resume they'll definitely be interested in me and i'll have no problem getting in.
I'm worried about my probation status affecting me from getting this job. If I got it, all of my bills would be taken care of and I could move. it'd be a struggle but i've done the math and I can make it. I need a job like right now though.
I've been turned down for jobs for promising interviews, presumably because of my probation status. Will the affect this current job, even if its through a temp agency?
Also, will I have a harder time finding a place because of it?
I have a light case of aspergers which has caused me a lot of pain, regarding understanding my social environment. However, I don't want to ask about how to make friends.
I would like to deal with lingering, poisonous feelings steeming from school life.
Its been many years since i managed to leave that kind of lifestyle, stepping into college and having some more degree of freedom as to what I'd like to do, im certain im a happier man. However, i often get random mental flashbacks about the bullying i endured, and honestly; its not nice having a livid memory at those times.
Maybe its because i know i should have reacted violently sooner; I snapped, once, back im those days, and the bullying became a social margination. Thinking back on it, it was truly refreshing at that time. But that didn't calm me down over the other stuff.
I know, for a fact, that I am an idiot for being too goodwilled and unwilling to do any harm. I also realized, quite recently, that if I manage to do harm someone without them being able to answer back in kind, i cant help but enjoy it with some glee, and of course, i realize thats not sane at all.
Which brings me to the issue; ive talked about this with my therapist, but he says that as long as im aware and do not brag, i should be fine. It's not fine at all; everytime im out, im always looking out for an excuse to hit anybody, proclaiming some law exception as self-defense or something akin. And i thinn its because of lingering high school regrets.
Is there any way i can deal with the urge to inflict pain to others to feel better? Games and exercise dont seem to work, but i know all too well how wrong is to vent stored frustration on others...
GOD DAMN IT. JUST FUCK. Just got done studying with this girl and the chemistry was so great laughing and smiling all the way through cal 3. It was one of those things where when y'all were close it felt right.
On the way out of the lab I offered to give her a ride home since she mentioned that she walked and she mentioned that her BF's apartment wasn't far. FUCK I am pissed it seemed so right.
I want to keep persuing her but my morals know otherwise. THIS FUCKING SUCKS.This isn't healthy man.
I recently wanted to start a YouTube channel just so I can have some form of hobby and have spent the last 2 weeks researching and trying to torrent software that I'll need as well as getting some hardware to help me.
and for the past three days I've been researching and gathering visuals for my first video. My problem is the voice recording. Everytime I speak into the microphone and re-listen to what I said I think I sound like an idiot and get annoyed that it doesn't sound right. And my major problem is when it comes to diving into the topic, I have a hard time being fluent when speaking because my mind goes all blank.