Yeah. Thanks. The length of time it's gone on is 50% my fault. I let it get set aside to handle other problems and pretended my needs didn't matter. Three years ago she asked me to stop telling her how sexy she was because it made her guilty for not having sex. So for two years we didn't even talk about sex. Then I had a mental breakdown as I had developed a lovely collection of unhealthy coping mechanisms that couldn't withstand unrelated stressors.
Then I talked with her about it in stages. At first, she was just pissed. Eventually a friend talked to her and she came around to wanting to improve. But of the seven times we've had sex this year, usually because I go multiple times a session, she's always been in an altered mental state each time. The last time, three months ago, she was manic, barely paid attention to me, and during it she managed to cheerfully bring up both a list of tasks we hadn't gotten done around the house(what I consider failurs) and someone who affects my sex drive like your grandmother might.
After four months of waiting, I had third worst sexual experience of my life. It's been another three and I am not hopeful for better.
It was easier when she was pissed. Then I could imagine cheating and it felt good. Now she's very focused on being loving attentive when she had stopped being for a while before. But she's still reluctant to have sex and I've made it clear that I'm not leaving, I'm not cheating, and I need quality sex.
I'm going to keep talking with her but the only option I see now is going against everything that I've ever sworn on all that I am and cheating.
/Bumping thread with blog