Another male anon who did similar things in the past chipping in:
For perspective: I was basically an ugly duckling growing up. I'm not actually sure that's 100% true, because if I *actually* think about it, there are countless moments where I got attention growing up, but the point is I definitely thought of myself that way.
I was a shy, quite kid that didn't really like himself and didn't think anyone else could like me either.
When I hit 17/18 I decided to start changing, and I did. I dressed better, I smiled more, I walked straighter, spoke louder, and tried to become more social, and bit by bit I started noticing more people give me more and more attention.
And when I started fully dating, I started to build confidence in my looks, my charm, and personality because I started to realize, people, girls in particular, really like me.
And at some point, I started to get almost addicted to that attention. On certain interactions I would almost purposefully do shit that I *knew* toed the line, just to see how much I could get away with. Be a little *too* flirty here, be a little *too* suggestive then, be a little *too* intimate with my touches there, etc.
And I eventually realized what was going on: As a formerly shy as fuck kid who (thought) he was getting ignored all his life (even though that's not true), i was finally getting attention, and I was getting addicted to it, because it made me feel better about myself.
Shortly after I realized that, I also realized that's not the type of person I wanted to be, and I started toning down a lot of the shit i was doing. To be fair, a lot of it wasn't intentional, a lot of it was a natural extension of me being me, but there WAS some part of it that was, and I knew I was crossing lines, I just didn't want to say it out loud until that moment.>continued