Hey it's a start. I was raised strictly in a religion but things happened in my life and in early adolescence I became atheist. Remained that way for years until I became a parent. When I looked at my child and felt unconditional love, I felt there was more to life. I didn't know what but I no longer believed nothing existed.
When I first witnessed a person die in front of me, I was, as the kids nowadays say "Shook". Def triggered. That I've experience launched me into looking for answers. I read up on other religions, attended different churches, even delved into science books. Read up on everything I could. I was obsessed. I didn't really have a solid faith or belief though. Life kept happening and shit happened and it was hard. I ended up in ICU with a near death experience. Lived through that and was more certain than ever there was more.
Despite everything that happened before, it wasn't until this year that I've been able to fit it all together.
Do I KNOW what happens when we die and cross over? Nope. Haven't made it that far. I do know that there is something over there and I'm not afraid to meet it when it's my time. In the meantime, while I am here, I feel infinitely loved and protected. No matter what happens, it is for a purpose - even the shit. I learn or grow or help others to do this.
I also no longer want to be the one killing myself. I could not always say that throughout my life.
Yeah, it does help to write it out.