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I need help, frens

>be me, 28 yr old guy
>ample experience with females and relationships
>but for several months now I'm totally infatuated with a 20 yr old musician girl from YouTube
>her channel is moderately popular
>wholesome family values stuff so no coomers in her comment sections
>met her once irl briefly and it wasn't terribly uncomfortable
>have only talked a handful of times through social media
>I really want to try talking to her but I'm painfully aware of that "well now it's awkward" line
>as illogical and retarded as this is I still feel strongly about her
>or rather the idea of her that she presents to the internet
>I know no female will ever make my life perfect and fix my problems
>I know I have a problem because I'm making this thread about her right now
>I should be smart enough to know better and yet I simp

what is wrong with me? I'm not horny. if I was, there are 2 girls I know irl (my age) that I could easily go back to and fuck. I'm not desperate. I could easily get on some dating app tonight and have a date with a qt college girl tomorrow night. but I don't want any of that. I just want this stupid internet girl. I can't explain it. my heart just wants her. it all started when I heard her laugh for the first time. and her goddamn smile just turns me inside out.

I'm like addicted to stalking her socials to check up on her. I guess I feel that if I could just break past that initial barrier of "random internet guy" there could be a chance. but I'm so afraid of making her uncomfortable, of being misconstrued, that I don't know what to do. I think I'm just going to mail her a letter to her PO box and then delete all my accounts and disappear from her fan community. no girl has ever made me feel this way. I feel so pathetic. I don't know if I can take it much longer