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Help.

No.24994062 View ViewReplyOriginalReport
I have nothing to lose, take this story and guide my next few life decisions.
Kinda long but idc.
> Been with girl since beginning of high school
> Basically all four years
> Literally in love
> College starting soon
> We break up with emotional conversation
> Says I'm not there for her enough (which was true at the time) and briefly said she wants to "try something new"

Instantaneously filled with suspicion but never acted on it

> Few weeks pass and long time "buddy" comes in to town.
> Not really a friend but not the worst person I've met.
> He stays with recently ex-gf
painfully_ignorant.dll
> Didn't think much of it because she'd never been the type to fuck around.

Few weeks later

> Reunite with gf
> Been normal, like nothing changed
> Says she loves me and can't go without me.
> Enjoy life once again

2 Years later

> Currently living with gf
> Says "can we talk?"
> "When we were broken up I was seeing buddy"
> "Oh ok, if you were just talking that's fine, the way you brought it up sounded like you fucked him or something."

That day I saw the deepest look of sorrow and regret I have ever seen with my own two eyes. I've only ever seen it on anyone else once before and it was under the exact same circumstances.
The next two days were the longest few days of my life filled with her crying and self-harming and me being stuck in my brain unable to talk because I guess I'm just nonfunctional in emotional situations. I was just there think about last few years of my life and how I basically grew up with her. I've talked to her and expressed my emotions and how I don't want it to end like this. Things are somewhat okay right now.
I just can't stop thinking about the idea of her with someone else. The thoughts are infecting my brain every hour of the day and I'm in visible pain no matter where I'm at.
The thought of it won't leave my head. I really love her, but don't know what path I need to walk here.