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Pt. 1

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I was in a relationship with a girl, we'll call her Zoey, for a little over a year and a half. We live in the US, but in different states across the country. She has visited once in 2020. It has been awhile since I had seen her. I was going to go down and see her around last year. We had genuinely loved each other. Because of complications in our relationships, we became on and off sometimes. I didn't get to see her because of something else. Eventually, we finally broke it off and I was destroyed. We still talked a little, but she said we would not be together again. We weren't on bad terms she just thought it was for the best. We both had many internal issues and, me especially, very external ones. I had an impulsive episode where I felt I needed love, and to move on instantly with a girl who went to college with me, we'll call her Bel. I hadn't known her as a friend, and I just thought she was attractive in an odd way. I started talking to her and hanging out with her a little. I started kissing on her and getting affectionate with her, but made sure that it was clear we weren't in a relationship. She wanted sex, eventually, but I declined. Whenever I was with her I realized it wasn't real, this ordeal lasted maybe a month, until I told her honestly that we should just remain friends. I did not want Zoey knowing since we still talked somewhat. She said it was okay for me to try and move on. I cared for Zoey still, and still loved her, while I never loved this Bel. Bel was angry with me and acted in the moment and decided to tell her friend(s?) that I hit her. Thankfully I cleared it up and she admitted to her lies, and I stopped talking to her completely. Awhile later, I find myself gaining an attraction to a friend, this I still have and I feel it's genuine. I will call her Ceil. I had been friends with her for awhile but Zoey knew about her but I started talking to her less and less to make Zoey more comfortable while we were dating. >Continued