I’m more or less the same. For the last 18 months in particular, I’ve held a considerable grudge against trans people and more recently I’ve acknowledged that I don’t want to be this way.
It’s particularly strange for me because there was a period of my life for about 3-4 years where I wanted to become trans female. I’m glad that I didn’t. I think a lot of it stemmed from the fact I was very ugly and fat and wanted to be the opposite of that. I worked hard to change that, and now I’m very comfortable with my appearance, and whilst I cross dress sometimes, that’s more motivated from being gay then wanting to be trans.
I sometimes look back and think about a younger me wanting to get pumped up with hormones and shit and get sad. Especially when I was having those thoughts from like 15/16.
On one hand I don’t see anything wrong with gender play, crossdressing, etc, I can’t help but see a lot of men who want to be seen as women as trying to make the world adhere to their weird fetish. Especially because weird porn that I would watch played a part into how I felt. I get really grossed out when I see really feminine YouTube avatars being shown over a deep man’s voice, or a guy who’s trying way too hard to make himself sound high pitch and cutesy. Whilst I don’t want to feel this way, I can’t help but do so, I don’t want to hate needlessly, but if that’s my mind’s instinctual nature surely it’s bad to force myself to think otherwise just to confirm to what everyone else sees as right?
I would like to change how I feel about people wanting to be seen as women or men, dressing as the opposite sex, etc, especially because I’ve participated in that myself. But I don’t think I will ever see surgery as a morally acceptable practice, I’m sorry to all the people out there who genuinely wish that they had a penis or vagina or a flat chest, but I can’t see wilful self mutilation as the way to go about that.