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I feel so trapped

No.29015225 View ViewReplyOriginalReport
A year ago my bf showed me a girl that looked like me on a nsfw local subreddit and he admitted he was masturbating to other women and it hurt me a lot I still think about it, I gave him my virginity and I let him have sex with me anytime he wanted. Like anytime middle of the night, after a long day. And I don’t understand if u have access to a woman 24/7 why would u look at nudes of girls who live in the same city as you. I felt like he was looking for stuff that I didn’t have. I stayed but I caught him watching porn a couple more times. I can’t let it get out of my mind. I think about it everyday. He looks at other women when we’re together and it makes me think, “he probably would have masturbated to her nudes if he had access to them” I want to leave him but he is close with my family, he knows my boss and got a job and will supervise me. My mom told him about a trip we’re going on and wanted to tell him, and he bought tickets. So now I have to spend 8 days with him on vacation and pretend to act normal around family. It’s been getting to me a lot in the last month and I thought with this vacation I could just be alone with family and feel better just for 8 days. and when I tried breaking up with him before ( like 6 months ago) he wouldn’t leave me alone, but he wasn’t creepy he was being nice and acting like my friend so it was hard to tell someone for help because he technically wasn’t doing anything wrong, he wasn’t invading my space, pressuring me or being mean.
Idk what I’m looking for, I think I just wanted to rant