Feeling pretty much the same as you, anon.
I guess i just live on the thought that "life isn't all that important",so it's more like simply existing instead of living. I know that i will never be normal and have a normal life like most of the population. For me, the game was rigged from the start. I guess that some sort of little hope keeps me going forward, that at some point something will change.
I guess what hit me the hardest was my last highschool reunion. Everyone there was so happy, bragging about what they've accomplished. The only words i said that evening we're "Hello" and "Goodbye".
Also,this anon pretty much summarizes all my feelings >>3377584