Look past the identity. Imagine you wake up everyday in a different life with a different face. How would you distinguish who is really you among all these people? None of them is specifically you. You are what is above the changing landscape, the constant behind it all.>it feels like my mind is trying to wrap itself around an infinitely large object, and cannot grasp it
Yes, the mind will try to grasp experience. Its function is to try to define things. But all answers in the mind are always limited. Enlightenment isn't found in an answer.>i can feel it letting go, but it's also holding on so fucking tightly
It's just thought. You're imagining it all.>i also know that this post and this thread is entirely ego motivated, but i just don't care anymore
It is, but so is your entire life. Let the ego and the person be what they are. They are transient and ultimately empty. Beingness however is not an ego and never was. It's not limited to anything.
So just watch it all pass. Sit in meditation and watch it all. You will see how quickly your mind changes and you'll learn that there is no substance to be found there. You are the substance, not your mind, not what it says about you. You are what gives reality to this. So just rest in what you are.