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Innawoods psychosis or true demons?

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Sometime last winter, I decided to try living alone in the woods for 40 days. I’m still struggling to take in all that happened. I feel something ominous – what, I can’t say – really exists somewhere in the depths of that forest. At the same time, I can’t deny I was experiencing a certain level of psychosis while I was there. It’s all just so blurry. But I know It wasn’t all hallucination. I just don’t know where to draw the line.

There wasn’t really a specific reason for my wanting to go. Just a sense of dissatisfaction I guess. I felt disconnected from people, but still didn’t have the energy to try and make friends. I was a low-level wagie too – tried around half a semester of college before dropping out due to issues with mental health and alcohol abuse. Life just felt empty. Probably due to my dissatisfaction with what I viewed as “life in modernity”, I ended up finding a lotta different far-right, radical environmentalist writings online. Just general Ted Kacsinsky, innawoods shit. Finally, I stumbled on stories of old saints and Buddhist ascetics – this was the last straw. Their rejection of all things pleasure in order to reach some higher knowledge of life seemed exactly what I needed (all this mixed disgustingly well with the storm of self-hatred and shame that loomed constantly over my head. Addiction’s a bitch). At this point, I felt I had to escape somewhere, somehow. I needed to suffer.

My family lives in Montana, and my uncle owns some rural land here. I asked him if he would mind if I spent some time out there. He was a little dubious at first, but eventually agreed.