>be me >keep seeing this every day as I put my fingers up my butthole for years >schedule an appointment with a gastoenthorologist >cancel it today because my gf won't be available much this week, except tomorrow and we want to spend this day together
What thoughts do you have? I intuitively understand I'm way too simple-minded, but honestly I'm just afraid to talk about this shit with anybody irl. Also, somebody said it may just be internal hemorrhoids and in that case it's easier for me to live with it than go for treatment
Really, if it's just internal hemorrhoids, why even care? What's the danger of not treating hemorrhoids, it doesn't hurt not does it bother me in anyway. The real concern though is it may not necessarily be hemorrhoids, then I'm prolly fucked
I go through these periods where something will switch and I'll become extremely paranoid. I haven't gone outside for about 3 weeks and am terrified to speak. It will just go away on its own but when it happens it becomes debilitating.
I don't want to take meds. >just go outside
I can step outside but the feeling doesn't go away and notably affects the way I speak and communicate.
So I'd to stop drinking for a while as I was getting wrecked all the time in my 20s. I'm 34 now, and even though I can maintain being sober for periods of time, when I am sober I feel fucking awful.
I can't get on with family and friends easy, don't find the same stuff funny, in general it just feels like a different human being altogether. I take everything to heart and in general just feel more hopeless to life.
Now I stopped drinking for a reason, waking up hungover after a huge spell for drinking you have two choices, get through living hell for a week to start to feel marginally better or just keep drinking. When I'm hungover bad I feel like reality is a switch and somethings going to turn it off any minute. This is obviously terror inducing.
But without alcohol, I really am missing large chunks of my ability to cope with shit. When I first stopped drinking I was hitting nicotine vape constantly and it buzzed me enough that it was easy. But having given that up too; it's very difficult.
I know there ar ethings I need to do like get other hobbies, try to find better people and so on, I even have done some of these things but I'm feeling very little enjoyment of anything really.
Recently I had like two beers and just felt like I could "be" better or something. hard to describe.
Any sober fellas going through similar experiences?
I not only do not give a fuck about the environment, but I also enjoy polluting it intentionally. Littering and plastic bottles do very little on the larger scale. How do I fuck up the environment on a bigger scale?
How do I make peace with the fact that I wasted my teenage years?
> was two years ahead > suffered from late hormone hit > was basically a child until the very last years of high school > spent my entire time studying > had good atheltic capabilities but an objectively shit physique > didn't take care of my skin, now have to deal with fucked up acne > literal child attitude towards girls > entered college at 16, ended up dropping out because I was too immature
I'm 22 now and slowly undoing the damage I did to myself as a high schooler > finally not completely socially autistic, actually somewhat popular and have a couple of very close friends > managed to score a gf (granted she's asian and it wasn't too hard but she's a decent 8/10 and very sweet) > still a little bit of a weirdo, but people like me despite this > going back to college to finish my master's (sponsored by my company) > have a good carreer in investment banking lined up (network helped) > finally comfortable around women, not a complete womanizer but women do enjoy my company and my easy-going attitude > rigorous exercise and skincare routine > mental health is slowly getting better
I'm struggling with self love, I can't really bring myself to not hate on my past self. I despise that person who represents everything that I abhorr, and yet that person used to be me, and is still a part of me to this day.
Shifting the blame on my (surprisingly not asian) parents who were over-protective and placed all value on my academic success (weirdly they don't do that with my younger brothers) will change nothing.
TL;DR: I was a retarded kid and now I'm dealing with deep emotional scars from that time despite being a somewhat well-adjusted member of society.