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How do I get the energy to live

No.27446432 View ViewReplyOriginalReport
this is no absolutely no joke. I see no reason to care about anything anymore. I come from a stable well-off home and have lost all illusions regarding friendship, women, life and my future. I have spent my whole concious life self-improving, lifting, reading, studying, training and learning skills and there is nothing at the end of the road. I cannot engage in hedonism because I do not derive any particular pleasure from anything. I have a facial expression and body language that seems to be seriously off-putting. People look at me weird and women laugh nervously, and I laugh back. I walk into traffic and don't care to keep myself out of danger. All my life I have had suicidal thoughts but right now I feel more powerless over my life than ever. I don't even have the energy to talk anymore. I just need to choose whether I want to live or commit suicide.