I suffered massive emotional trauma growing up (financial destruction of family, father depression, father suicide attempts, constant bullying (ironic since I'm a Chad(just low self esteem)) and only memories of darkness, pain, anger and sadness.
I temporarily lost God, but i never lost that childlike wonderlust/ dazzle in my eyes.
I battle with constant intrusive thoughts of pain and negativity, massive anxiety attacks that I can put at bay. I have 2 gaslighting parents as well with a retarded npc brother.
I also have a high level ability to read body language, social ques, lies, deception.
I have a retardedly good memory when needed.
I talk to myself a lot, I enjoy my company better than most.
I can't hold a convo with anyone really (same as in highschool) as I felt they were literally fucking primitive (not talking about the niggers, only about the average white in my class).