this is a real life OC story that happend to myself a few days ago.
First of all and base of this story:
in 2018 (age 23) I got into a police investigation about child porn. The crime itself was in 2012 (age 17).it was clear and prooven that i was not guilty at all. I didn't do shit and i'm not pedo at all.
but this investigation made me think about myself : maybe I am and I am guilty? What is if I did this while drunk and out? I started to ask me these questions.
I was in a long time relationship with my gf. We were together for like 4 years at this time and she was ok with it. Not fine fore sure but the belived me and was ok after my innocence was prooven. But our sex-life wasnt perfect at this time and not any better afterwards. I was not interested in "so much" sex with her then she was. So I began to think: Is there something wrong with me? May I am pedo or bi or gay?
So I downloaded tons of porn, even child related stuff ( BUT NO ACTUAL CHILD PORN hell no its gross), gay, bi and all kinds of fetish stuff to find out what I like and what the problem is.
I had a really bad emotional time back then. I also tought that I may be attracked by her younger sister. Made photos of her to take deeper thougts.... maybe I'm subconsciously attracked to her and don't know it directly.
Damn shame on me. Time went by and I couldn't figure it out and the bad feeling went away. I never told my GF.
In early 2021 we began to play a little bit kinky. Tried some stuff, even pegging and I liked some of these things. The feelings came back, is there something wrong with me? I again began to watch and download different kinds of porn, mostly fetish related stuff. But aso bi stuff because I thought maybe im bi because i like pegging? Time went by and it was not a big deal as the first time. I never told my GF
A few days ago she found a old USB stick with not deleted porn, even the underage stuff. I first lied to her, its not mine. The shame was intense.