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40k Comedy General

No.30565717 View ViewReplyOriginalReport
Kharn - when he isn't busy taking off your arm - is a pretty great guy, despite his nickname. Hell, he even helped me find my arm afterwards, and we had an arm fight with another limb he found that looked like mine. He won, of course, but we had fun and got some skulls for Khorne, and that's what matters.

Anyway, there is one guy Kharn absolutely will always try to kill, and that's Erebus of the Word Bearers. I don't know what the grudge is between the two, but if Kharn hears Erebus is on the same planet as him, he will go beserk. Even more berserk than usual, I mean. So there I was in the Eye of Terror, waiting for somebody to get a Black Crusade or a raiding party together, when I see Kharn waving me over.

"What can I do for you, blood-brother?" I say. Kharn laughs when I call him this, I don't know why. He slaps me on the back and I have to pick myself off the ground, then we chest-bump. Finally, Kharn speaks.

"Erebus is nearby. I can smell him." Now, Kharn does have an inside voice, when he needs one. Needless to say, he hardly ever needs one. We smile and bro-fist, because honestly Erebus is a prick and I hate him too. "Follow me," he whispers, so only people within twenty meters can hear.

So we sneak around by murdering anyone who sees us and looks scared, which means anyone who sees us generally. We come across a group of Chaos Cultists, and Kharn must've smelled Erebus again because he starts yelling.

"EREBUS! COME OUT AND FACE ME, COWARD!" he says, slicing off three dudes' heads in one swipe. I'm screaming 'Blood for the Blood God!' but you can't hear me over Kharn's bellowing.