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retarded players

No.88980128 View ViewReplyOriginalReport
have you guys got any stories about your players being obnoxiously stupid? I'll start

>party is sent to survey a location in an old map
>map is scribbled by an NPC whom I've explicitly made out to be absent-minded, clumsy and forgetful and that has a few notes, most of which are useless throwaway jokes
>one location is marked 'haunted woods' paired with a cartoon drawing of a ghost.
>players ask first NPC if the woods are haunted
>first NPC admits that they do not know, they have never seen a ghost and don't know the first thing about them.
>player asks me to roll to see if his character would know if undead are common in this area.
>I tell them not to roll, because they know for a fact that undead cannot be found in this region
>other NPC, who is actually knowledgeable, points out that the woods are, indeed, not haunted.
>I clarify out of character that the 'haunted woods' bit was simply a joke and it's just a regular forest.
>before they depart, I have the quest giver give them some money to buy supplies before the trip and have him point out that they should get climbing equipment because they'll have to cross the mountains
>they spend it all on things to fight undead and don't buy any climbing equipment
>I remind them that there aren't any undead and that their travel speed will be halved without enough climbing tools for everyone
>they don't care
>later on, the path to the objective is straight through the woods
>we waste like 30 minutes discussing alternative paths to avoid going through the haunted woods

I fucking wrapped that game up before doing everything I had planned because the experience was fucking miserable, holy hell, I'm never playing with zoomers again.